Implicit Norms

Violating a social norm was going out to eat with my family at a relatively nice restaurant. The implied social norm I decided to violate was one of etiquette. I decided to wear jeans and a t-shirt, instead of formal attire. The first social censuring I experienced was confronting the disapproving eyes and the attitude of my family. They first asked if I might feel comfortable if I changed my outfit, and when I refused, they used other forms of pressure, such as silence. However, when they realized I was not going to change my clothes, eventually they decided to ignore my ripped denim.

Before we were seated at the restaurant, I noticed that the hostess looked me over with a slightly frosty gaze. She did talk more to my parents than she did to me although that could partially be due to my age. I also think that my age may have been the reason that the waiter did not offer me a wine list. He asked if I wanted a soda, with a slightly patronizing tone. When he was reading the specials, which were fairly 'un-teen' friendly, such as red snapper and lamb, he looked at my parents rather than me. Finally, he offered me the lunch menu if I did not like anything that was listed on the dinner menu. I assume the lunch menu had some burgers and sandwiches. Again, it was difficult to tell if my clothing was the reason, or if it was my age.

Of course, the two are difficult to separate -- within reason, a person can look much older if he or she is wearing professional or formal clothing, and even the wealthiest and most cultured individual can look sloppy after working out if he or she is dressed in sweat clothes. It was not only that I was consciously violating a norm but that the way I was doing so sharpened potential social prejudices against me. In the same way people might be more prejudiced against someone of a different racial or ethnic heritage if that person is wearing jeans and seen walking on the street at night, although they would not think twice if that person was in a business suit. However, if they saw a person of their own ethnicity wearing jeans, it would not cause them a moment's concern.